you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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