shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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