yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
