Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
