8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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