East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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