I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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