Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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