Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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