If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
