opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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