Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
