Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
