dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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