Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
