And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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