I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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