I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
