capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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