You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize