Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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