why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
