some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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