Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
