That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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