we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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