I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
