Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
