She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
