five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
