i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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