I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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