i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
