he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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