I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
