I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
