At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
