1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
