Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
