I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
