dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize