wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
