If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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