Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
