My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize