you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize