WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
someone owes me an orgasm
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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