Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
