marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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