Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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