That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
