I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
