I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
