I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
