on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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