$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
