I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
