imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
