So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
