What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
