How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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