the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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