I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
do nipples grow back?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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