I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
