we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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