Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dear god my vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
