Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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