i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
