I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
