i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
