I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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