it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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